I'm not sure where to post this, but since I'm seriously considering getting my CC permit, I thought I'd put it here.
My wife has no personal experience with shooting guns of any kind. Although she comes from a family where, more often than not, the men join the military and they all have a vast knowledge and appreciation for guns, she has never shot a gun and I can't get her to. She says guns scare her.
I own a couple, shoot almost every week, and talk about them often. Now I want to get my CC permit, and she says she's okay with it, but I know her better than that. How do I make her ACTUALLY okay with it?
Overcoming the fear is the biggest thing, but she has to WANT to overcome the fear before she can. Here's some ideas you can toss around, maybe some may stick or give you other ideas:
She can watch some videos of gun training for women. If she sees them doing it, she may want to and it may build her confidence. Let her know it can be fun.
Try to get her to understand that a shotgun or handgun can be a wonderful self-defense tool. Ask her what she would prefer to have on the table in front of her if a bad buy broke into the house - a loaded revolver or a phone to call the police?
See if you can get some of her women friends or family to talk to her about guns. Sometimes coming from the right person makes all the difference.
Let her know you enjoy shooting and you want her to enjoy it with you. Volunteer to become involved in her hobbies, in exchange.
See if she would be interested in taking a gun safety class with you. Approaching it with safety first may be a key.
Explain how guns work and what they are and do. Explain the parts of ammunition and how the primer lights the powder and pushes the bullet out of the barrel. Explain that a gun is nothing more than metals and other materials until it's ready to fire. She has to not be afraid of a gun.
Talk about sports shooting that may interest her - target shooting, skeet, etc. Maybe even get her a BB-gun and challenge her to hit a target in the yard or garage 30 feet away.
Talk about a safety plan if someone breaks in at night. For example, my wife and I agree that if someone breaks in, we say a code word and that means nothing other than grab your gun (we each have one very near by) and quickly move into action. She goes to the closet with a .357 Magnum while sitting on the floor with the gun pointed at the door. If bad guy enters, drop him. I get to go find the bad guy.
Tell her you just want her to be able to protect herself, and you would really feel safer about HER well being if she learned to shoot.
Any time you see or hear of a story where a family, especially a woman - is protected by a gun using self-defense, tell her about it. She needs to hear this.
Two or three years ago I came across a fantastic firearms/concealed carry website that is specifically tailored for women, but it's also great for *anybody* who's interested in that subject. It's Cornered Cat | If you have to fight, fight like a cornered cat.. On the main page, click on "ARTICLES" on the left. Scroll down the page, and toward the bottom you'll see the heading "For the Men." One of the articles in that section is "How to Make Your Wife Hate Guns." That'll at least tell you--from a woman's perspective--what NOT to do. Maybe you could tell her about that website, or else just slyly leave it up on the computer screen.
Two or three years ago I came across a fantastic firearms/concealed carry website that is specifically tailored for women, but it's also great for *anybody* who's interested in that subject. It's Cornered Cat ]
Wow, brother. What a request of total strangers. You must have known your wife's feelings when you first met. You can't change her, but her brothers or someone she trusts can get her interested. Maybe she has a coworker that is into target shooting that you both could go to a range with.
My wife is from Louisiana and grew up around shooting nutria and snakes. So I had it made!
We have friends that were from NYC and were liberals. They moved to Virginia many years ago and we talked them into going camping in the Geo Washington National Forest.
We brought a couple of our pistols with us and introduced them to plinking cans and bottles with a .22. They had never seen a gun up close let alone fired one. They had a blast
and to this day they switched over to our side and they now have quite the collection!
I'm not sure you are trying to now get her into guns or trying to get her blessing on you carrying.
You are newlyweds and you both are still assessing what you've gotten yourselves into.
Don't pressure her to do anything or you'll be in for a tough time.
Also, like many here, I noticed that you chose not to let us know your location in your indentity. Is there a reason you won't reveal your state? Where you live could have a bearing on your wife's mindset.
The best of luck.
The others have posted good suggestions and I wish you luck. But IMHO your chances of truly converting her are low. I know some here have convinced their wives to shoot and ultimately carry but it doesn't happen often.
Think about getting a tried and true democrat to vote republican or vise versa. Or try to convince someone here to limit magazine capacity to ten rounds. You get the point. I think the best you can hope for is that your wife tolerates your desire to carry. Anything above that is a bonus.
My wife only tolerates my interest in guns and my carrying. I'm certain she would rather I didn't carry. I/we NEVER tell anyone I carry and I never put the gun on my person in her view. She knows its there - kind of an "out of sight out of mind thing".
Your wife at least says she's ok w/ it. Thats a good staring point and not a terrible ending point. Don't push too hard.
Some great posts above, I am somewhat in your shoes. I just got back into shooting about a year ago. And my wife of 40 years has no problem with me and my guns. She does not want to shoot however. I have talked with her about going to the range so she can feel comfortable if she ever has to use one. She hasn't completely shot it down but is not ready. She has begun to talk about my guns more often lately, she recently asked why I chose a new gun not why do you need it? And she mentioned to a nephew who likes to shoot that I recently bought a new Henry. I took this as my cue to take him shooting. If I bring him home safe and sound it will be a step in the right direction.
I have learned with my wife that being respectful of her way of doing things works better than trying hard to convince her to do it my way.
Go shooting with her brothersJust kidding They scare me is a very ambiguous statement. Ain't going to work until you sit down
with her and isolate that statement as to WHY,? or what about them scares you ?
answer will probly be "" I don't know ! they just do "" Come on Hun, you must have some idea ? I told you I don't know, -- do we have to talk about this now.
No not at all, how about you think on it and we can discuss it again lattr? I'm busy latter !
Ok, When you not busy we can discuss it again.
I don't know means--I don't want to talk about it--I don't want to deal with it--
it's your thing, not mine--
You would be better off moving to Missouri than waiting for Illinois to do anything, including paying their bills on time, which they do not do.
I would recommend having her go to the "First Shots" program that many ranges put on & it's an excellent way to introduce a new shooter to the sport.
A couple of places by us have a "Ladies night" where women can come in & try 5 different CCW handguns to see which they like best. Both programs are very affordable & they supply the guns & ammo. After teaching my wife how to shoot with the LCP & LC9. We have since purchased 3 guns together, both have our CCW permits & enjoy shooting together. She will also embarrass most men with her LCP, Sig P238 & SP2022. She is quit proficient!
Ms. Hupp is a well known Texas, writer, 2nd Amendment supporter, former Texas State Rep. and conceal carry holder.
There are a number of women's shooting groups in areas that train and enjoy shooting activities together. Having worked in helping train and support of the Bluebonnets Ladies Pistol League in Fort Worth, their are wives, girlfriends, singles, many who came to the league with little or no experience with firearms and ending up having a great time. There is a co-ed Meet-Up group in the Dallas area that shoots at Dallas Pistol Club and Elm Fork Range. The group has training and competitions. I'm confident there are many groups like that all over.
Having said all that, your spouse has to convince herself of the necessity of learning how to shoot for self-defense and possible recreation. Be patient.
You know you can't make her okay with guns. My dad wants to get a gun for protection at home but mom won't even talk about the idea. They are in their 80's. Having said that, I just bought an LC9 and it is intimidating to me to even load the mag! That is why it is very important for me to go to the range often and it works! If you can talk her into going to the range to shoot a pistol ..maybe a revolver that is less intimidating than a 9 mm she could learn to love shooting. Good luck.
I took the OP to mean his wifes apprehension was about him getting a CCL. If that is the case I would get it and quietly use it. When I first started carrying my wife made fun of me and I would just respond it's a dangerous world out there. Then she started to take notice of people being attacked in supermarket parking lots and outside of malls and the ridicule stopped. We travel alot and when we are someplace unfamilar she now seems comforted by my carrying. She knows how to use firearms but it isn't an interest to her and thats fine with me. After almost 42 years of marriage we each have our own hobbies and interests. Some we share and some we don't.
Start slow. Take her to the range and let her look at guns while you shoot, this will acclimate her to the sounds and smells. Next time ask to her to do a safety check- load/unload for you, this lets her learn the basics and get comfy with the gun. Use a 22 the first time she shoots, then work up to bigger calibers. And most of all, if at anytime she feels uncomfortable, reassure her and try again later. The more exposure she has, the more she will accept the gun. My wife hated guns but knew I hunted, so she let it be. We went camping shortly after getting married, so I took my marlin 22 and my Hi point 40 cal with. I convinced her to load the rifle, after three days of range time she decided to shoot the 40. Now she carries regularly and can shoot any of my guns. Even if she never grows fond of the guns she should at the very least be capable enough to put two center mass if needed.
I was in a very similar situation...almost identical, actually. This is really weird, but my wife just changed her mind one day. I don't know what did it, but now she's totally fine with it, and shows some interest. It's still not something she wants to go out and do every day, but I can tell that her mind has changed. I think it happened after a day of shopping for a new hand gun. I went out looking for a Ruger SR9, and we spent the day driving all over town from gun shop to gun shop. I found and purchased the gun, and then a couple of weeks later, we went back out with her parents and her brother and looked at a gun for her parents. This time, she spent some time talking to the guy at the shop, and she actually held a couple of the guns and picked one out that she may be interested in owning. I scheduled the appointment for my concealed carry class the same day, now that I knew she was totally on board.
My wife started with a revolver and she was scared to death of it at first. Wouldnt even pick it up. After a box of 38's, that's all she wants to do now is go shooting. We both took a concealed weapons class together from an excellent instructor near St George SC. B.E.L.T. training, if anybody's interested. She got 50 out of 50 on the shooting test, and is probably one of the most safety conscious people I know. That was about 3 years ago when she started, and i'd hate to be someone breaking into our house when she's home alone. She's got a P95 but she still prefers her revolver.
IDPA is headed by a woman. Drop off some IDPA literature in the crapper room and on the coffee table. Joyce Wilson is a good spokesperson. Julie Golob and Jessie Duff have great youtube videos. Leave one on the pc for her to rewind and watch.
My wife was just OK with it-until I started shooting IDPA. She came along as my cheering section the first couple of times (with lunch and a movie promised afterwards-it's 80 miles to the club so a day trip)-and she thought it was a surprisingly lot of fun. She hasn't started that yet but has joined me on a couple full days of training, shoots regularly with me, and plans to do IDPA down the road. She doesn't carry but has a permit. It was seeing how exciting the competition was that got her interested. And she's more than OK with me carrying. I have also gallantly done all the gun cleaning ... But she's thinking now she should help, so obviously she's getting in to it!
Two or three years ago I came across a fantastic firearms/concealed carry website that is specifically tailored for women, but it's also great for *anybody* who's interested in that subject. It's Cornered Cat | If you have to fight, fight like a cornered cat.. On the main page, click on "ARTICLES" on the left. Scroll down the page, and toward the bottom you'll see the heading "For the Men." One of the articles in that section is "How to Make Your Wife Hate Guns." That'll at least tell you--from a woman's perspective--what NOT to do. Maybe you could tell her about that website, or else just slyly leave it up on the computer screen.
Also, here's an excellent short video clip that you might persuade her to watch: Female Gun Rights Activist Calmly Captivates Senate Gun Control Hearing | Independent Journal Review
Educate her on history... I know a woman who was also very apprehensive but her fears have been calmed as she is more informed now than she used to be. Her father-in-law helped her understand some important points about crime, criminal behavior, and her responsibility to protect her children.
Doing a gun safety class together would be great, do you have an Izzak Walton League up by you? We have one down here in Ames and I know there is a couple around the state. Look to the social aspect of shooting. Yeah, a 12 gauge or a 30-06 can be really scary if the MEN in the family lock and load.
My Father-In-Law was Captain of his High School rifle club and retired as a Lt. Col. from the Air Force. When he got my pre-teen sons matching 10/22s there was a gasp from all the family members. My wife had taught shooting at a summer camp one year but saw no need for us to have a gun. She came around when we got a weekend house in Wisconsin and went shooting with a neighbor family.
Education, fun and listening are your best approaches. Do not start her our with anything more than a 22. An SR-22 Pistol or a 10/22 is where I would start. An LCR would not be bad either. Light weight, easy to handle and very easy to clean.
My wife grew up in Joliet, IL and had never been around guns. Moved to AZ to go to college in 1981 and decided to live here. We married in 1985 and she would go shooting with me just to spend time together. Got her interested in my Single-Six and she was pretty much hooked. We had our first child in 1988 and lived in the back of a trailer park while I carved out a living working nights at Ruger. Nothing brings out the momma bear like knowing it's up to her to protect the child while I'm at work...she asked me to get her a Ruger GP-100 for HD. The rest as they say is history.
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Related Threads
?
?
?
?
?
Ruger Forum
2.8M posts
106.7K members
Since 2006
A forum community dedicated to Ruger firearm owners and enthusiasts. Come join the discussion about optics, hunting, gunsmithing, styles, reviews, accessories, classifieds, and more!